"Check Out the Freak!"

I would have posted sooner, but the last post i was working on, the AOL kicked me off, and i was like, "I'm gonna see her this weekend. Whatever."

So i'm here now.

Eric never messaged me back. I messaged him, it's my last attempt at communication. After that i don't fuckin' care anymore. I'll just be like, "Psh, whateva. I got tea."

In the blog, i'm gonna try and steer clear of the whole, "OMG! I recently found out that this guy, has a band on the side, and it sounds so BLAH BLAH BLAH" because these blogs are supposed to MEAN something. Leave that shit to emails. :)

I guess in general i'm okay. I'm kinda bummed that its October. Just cuz now, i have to detox and wait for the school's Monthly Drug Test! YAY! So i'm on a strict DXM diet for me. Which i am now, with a little Cape Cod. I'm enjoying it. It's not bad.

Other than that. The whole Eric thing, i think i'm making it more than it is. But in one way or another it won't leave my mind, and end up thinking about every little detail constantly.

First, i dunno what type of person he IS exactly. I don't know if he's the kind of guy who doesn't answer ANY one's messages or just mine. That's what's got me big time. That and i just might think he said the whole "let's meet up and talk about it." thing he was just saying it to be nice. Cuz i've mentioned i'm free like twice and he's said once that he had an FBLA thing, when in fact it wasn't FBLA at all. It was homecoming, but at the time it sounded like he was giving me an excuse to ditch me. Another thing is that, i might just think that since i'm more different than the other gay people at our school, he won't acknowledge me in front of his friends. Just cuz the two of us are on COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CLIQUE PLATEAUS!

It just makes me frustrated since to me, its coming off like, "Hey, you're gay, that's cool. I am too. Okay, fuck off now!" I just don't get it. And i KNOW i'm probably making more of this than it is. I just, like i said, have no idea what type of person he REALLY IS. He was fun in Topics in History last year. I hope he hasn't changed. Then again, none of his "girl friends" were in that class, so he was free to talk with me without being made fun of by talking with us "common folk".

SEE WHAT I MEAN!? I've rambled on for 2 big paragraphs about this guy, and i never talk to him! WTF!? Give me advice. I could use someone's perspective on this shit. It's CRAZY.

No one else knows. I just wanna tell Buddha, but i'm afraid, it'll spread like a mutha fucka after that. And also, he might not be as cool with it as he leads on. Y'know what i mean?

I finally finished all my orders, and am happy i have nothing to ship as of now. I got 30 Rock in and it's helping me cope with everything else. Like my mom giving me subtle hints she might know something. (I remember what you said the other night, "Well, look at you." LOL) I didn't take offense, but with this, i'm hoping my "better scenario" happens. The one where they say they knew long before i did. That'd be great. Enough with dream clouds! So, that grandma quote you told me. I didn't think it'd get to me, but i thought about it more than ever yesterday. Not so much today, but i'm still glad you told me. It's good to know what people REALLY think of me. If only they'd just express it more...LIKE THAT STUPID GAY KID, ERIC! It's makin' mad. seriously.

So before i put myself into a coma. I'll bid you adieu.

"WHY AM I SO GODDAMN ALONE!?"
Muffin Top Gangstah